eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
