Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
