Screwed.edu
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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