i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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