how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
