I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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