Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
