Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
