I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
