I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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