I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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