my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
