Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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