Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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