is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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