I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
