Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how drunk are you?
Several
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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