Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
