how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
