I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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