there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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