Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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