he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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