Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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