You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
