I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
