I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
