my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
