I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
