I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
