It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
