Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
