dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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