chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
