Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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