Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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