I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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