My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
