Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
