He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
