You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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