man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
