i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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