i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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