Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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