Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
