I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
