i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
