how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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