Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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