dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
