Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
