you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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