Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
