just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
