Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
