the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
