get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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