My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
