My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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