The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
