i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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