Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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