The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
