Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
