lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
