I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
