I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
two words...techno handjob
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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