It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
