This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
