i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
