I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
