Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
