Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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