Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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