I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
